I was literally ecstatic at keeping up with blogging and vlogging from the start of this year, then I have disappeared for the most month. This is what has happened…
So you may have remembered the point of my rebrand the beginning of the year, I was ashamed of my blog beforehand and rarely blogged. Then really got into my blogging since rebranding to this blog, not only successfully blogging twice a week I also started a YouTube Channel and uploading twice a week. Then came March, which simply was a blur, I don’t know where March went.
It started I had upped my working days to having just one day off, this meant my blog routine would have to change as I didn’t want to spend each week on my day off doing blog/vlog prep as this is my time with just Rowan. Before I even had the chance to start planning a new routine I started struggling in the evenings with exhaustion and headaches starting. I talked myself that this was due to time of month, but this carried on. My anxiety started kicking in again with was making me panic and procrastinate. Work wise I am extremely busy at the moment, it will be worth it in the end from having the chance to implement a system designed by myself and will be rewarding to know I can do this when this is implemented, but currently it is also extremely hectic.
Then also having germs lingering most weekends with one of us, Rowan with chickenpox it felt like we were housebound. I got to the point of trying to juggle being a working mummy, the house and being a mummy and felt completely exhausted. I felt so deflated that I had missed a few of my routine planned days, which I was really hard on myself at the time.
Then in March I had to go away for 2 nights on a course and thats when it all came to a head. Beforehand I could feel my anxiety kicking in, worrying over the smallest things about going away. But at the time these seemed enormous to me. I was already out of my comfort zone as I dread the courses I need to attend. I panic when put on the spot, and each course I feel I am always picked on to answer most questions. I must have one of those faces or radiate my fear and self doubt. Actually the course was good and the people had been the nicest people on any course I have attended so far. But that night I started one of my headaches. The only way I can describe this is pain from thinking. As soon as I concentrate I can’t think, I can’t organise or plan and being the person I am and normally in control, this was making me worse. The headache that night turned into the most awful migrane, to the point I was being sick and had to phone reception for tablets as I forgot mine.
I managed to get through the next days course with keeping tablets topped up, but again the pain started. This is how I could not even contemplate turning the laptop on and blogging. I couldn’t even face looking at my phone at night from the pain of concentrating. With all of this going on I realised how much I had put on myself and was physically exhausted.
I decided to go to the doctors about the headaches as also was having minimal sleep and up most nights, in the meantime before my appointment my ears started playing up and both went blocked. I always have had trouble with my lugholes and when this happens I get them syringed and all is good with the world again. This time one wouldn’t clear, this has never happened. The nurse said to leave it a week and see and keep adding oil. I tried the opticians as my eye test was due and all was ok, my eyes have got slightly worse but nothing out of the ordinary.
By the time my doctors appointment came I was in awful pain with my head, sickness and kept going extremely dizzy. After 3 appointments in a week, it turns out I had labyrinthitis which also started vertigo. So I was put on anti sickness tablets, which helped slightly and was told about exercises to relieve the symptoms. I was given tablets for the headaches as this was shown as separate from being on the anti sickness tablets. The anxiety made it all worse from being unable to be in control and think. The tablets I have at night as they knock me out and they have really helped. When I forgot one at night, i couldn’t sleep and the pain started. I am also awaiting a head scan to check everything is ok.
So that is where I have been, obviously I started taking new blog photos again and planned this post and Rowan is coming out in a cold and I have a sore throat starting, so you can see what I am putting up with. Always something going on. I am able to think now though which is helping and still having off days but hoping they can unblock this ear next week as tinnitus has started now, then I should be back to myself.
One thing this past month has brought me is a mini self care journey. I have made the time to do hobbies I enjoy and take some much needed time out. I have also got back into watching vlogs and channels. One in particular which is tanks to my bestie Estelle who brought me ‘Vlog Like A Boss’ for my birthday, which is an awesome book and I highly recommend it if you are thinking of starting a channel.
Anyhow I started watching Amy (the author) on YouTube and I have literally binge watched most of her channel. I love the help tips of time management, self care and recommendations which has led me on to listen to the audiobook 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins which has really helped with anxiety. I have really found Amy’s channel helpful and started me on a self care journey which has made a massive difference on my outlook. I have really eased up on myself of trying to be everywhere at once and be more organised and not so hard on myself.
I now have a goal list of inspirational people and speakers I wish to read and watch, as these videos for me have really motivated me. I feel already more in control again and glad the anxiety didn’t have a massive effect and I was able to slow it down in it’s tracks. I am good at knowing when it is kicking in and can normally sort this, very rarely it has left me how it had this time. I am now able to concentrate more now which again has made a difference as even thinking about what to do for dinner, what time I needed to be somewhere was hurting my head.
So hopefully I am back, I am going to try and freestyle days again but aim to do a minimum of a blog and a vlog a week, then if more then thats a bonus. If that doesn’t work then I will see when I come to that bridge. I want to say thankyou to everyone that has messaged me to see if I am ok, it has meant alot. I think mainly my batteries ran out and I got poorly, but I am currently recharging and am on my way back up.